Rebirth
What if our rebirth was closer to our first birth than we thought?
I have not written for a while, and when I say a while, I mean, besides journaling and few deep posts on social media, I have not sat down to write from my heart and my gut in over 6 years but last night I felt INSPIRED. I had a succession of magical revelations coming to me and I felt compelled to share them with the world, today, Saturday February 13th 2021, on a potent New Moon in Pisces.
Let me walk you through a little background so you understand the set up:
While I started to work on myself about 10 years ago, I truly dove into deep inner work 2 years ago, right after my daughter hit the “terrible 2” phase, as I found myself unable to cope with the beginning of her big emotions and realized I could not be there for her because I had never learned how to be there for myself during my own big emotions.
Fast forward on the sped up emotional growth and maturity, self-love & self-care learning, unwiring of codependent survival mechanisms, reconnection to my body and the divine feminine, here I am today, embracing my divine gifts, worshipping the moon, aligning my energy field to my higher purpose in this lifetime and healing my ancestral lineage to liberate all the women that have lived, in order for me to take birth, and setting healthier foundations to all the women that will take birth in my lineage after me and my daughter. As part of this process, I’m doing monthly energetic healing sessions with another glowing ligh-worker who teaches me a lot about everything but mostly about myself.
Yesterday was our monthly appointment, we were talking about what’s been going on with me, and what I want to focus on during this session, which is the centre of my focus lately: My Root Chakra.
Now that the frame is established let me unveil the thought process that led me to connect the dots about my life before this day, my life now and where I want to take it to; all related to the transition from being alive, to being born, to live, to realize our spiritual nature, to being REBORN.
Story time!
Lately I’m studying energy centres in the body, aka chakras, and starting with root chakra, I realized that I had major blockages in the root chakra (Muladhara Chakra). Muladhara chakra is associated with everything related to survival and blockages in this chakra can manifest as fear of lack, financial insecurities, anxiety, violent behaviours rooted in survival mechanisms, and all reactions coming from the feeling of potential loss of basic security. In a few words: if one doesn't feel rooted and safe from within, one will spend all of their energy fighting for their safety and against everything seen as a threat to said safety.
As a single mother / entrepreneur, money has been a real struggle and source of worry for the past 3 years, constantly under a lot of stress and high anxiety, and it was not until I got locked in my apartment due to the pandemic, that I could see how my life had been shrinking around the money aspect of my survival.
I’m explaining the reasons behind my focus on root chakra to my healer Leanna and I keep talking about how I’m starting to realize that I’ve always defined myself as free-spirited, travelling around the world, no strings attached etc, and while I’m talking, I’m understanding that I actually never felt ROOTED, like a helium balloon without the little weight keeping it from flying away in the wind. I grew up so disconnected form my lineage and the women who existed in order for me to exist that I never felt connected to my own roots, that I was scared to grow my roots somewhere and getting stuck in a toxic environment so I preferred to just fly away in the wind, never touching the ground. I even made a quote prior to moving from France to Canada saying: “When you don’t belong anywhere, you can feel at home everywhere”.
And while we are exchanging and one topic leads to another, Leanna starts talking about expanding my window of tolerance to things that scare me, little by little, without forcing much but always trying to go a little bit further each time and when she’s saying that, I have that beautiful image of birth coming back to mind.
When I was pregnant, I had the privilege to connect with another human goddess in the form of my midwife, Patricia. That woman taught me everything I needed to learn to welcome that tiny human in my life and more specifically how to do so naturally, through my vagina, without tearing apart. Patricia explained to me that during the natural process of baby going down the uterus to initiate her journey through the vagina, every contraction is pushing her out a little bit further, but in between contractions, baby is going slightly back up.
Why is that you ask?
Because Mother Nature did things perfectly, allowing the vagina to adjust slowly to the baby’s size, it’s like 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Rather than getting it all out in one big push, which will most likely be destructive, having the rhythm of contractions on and off allows the female body to take the time to expand as need to be, for the baby to have enough room to slide out. Now, we are talking ideal scenario when mom and baby are both strong and healthy, and where no complication occurs requiring emergency procedures of course but point is:
If we have faith in the process and give it time, things unfold naturally without painful consequences.
[I’ll leave aside the discussion on how most (male) OBGYNs being more concerned about their pay-check than their patients recommend episiotomy and/or C-section for the whole birthing process to be faster so they can move onto the next patient more quickly...]
Back to the healing moment, I picked an oracle card to support me during the table part of our healing treatment, and it was “The Sisterhood of the Rose”, same card I had picked during our last session, inviting me to call in the Sisterhood and any other feminine entity for help and support during this session focused on my root chakra.
Shortly after we started, I felt the physical need to push something out of my vagina, I started to direct my breathing into it, blowing up my pelvic floor with each breath in, and contracting my vagina to eject with each breath out. It did not seem to make much of a difference; I was still feeling the need to push something out.
When I brought it up to Leanna, she suggested to ask what that energy wanted, and to make room for a response, rather than trying to push it out, so I did, and that energy wanted space, wanted room, like it was too tight, packed in a skimpy container at the bottom of my spine. I listened, and I went back to breathing into that space visualizing my chakra clearing, expanding the space around it so it feels comfortable, and rather than pushing during breath out, I would just allow that space to shrink a tiny bit so it doesn’t tear.
I called in the Sisterhood to help me make space around my root chakra to allow it to open up, and this beautiful vision came to me where I saw dozens of feminine hands coming from all parts, gathering around a circle of light located in my womb, holding onto the edge of the ring, and gently pulling on it to stretch it.
It was so beautifully powerful.
From there, after a few deep breaths into my root chakra, the light ring started to turn into a funnel, the base at the bottom of my spine, and the tube expanding narrowly toward my abdomen, my chest, my throat and my head. Which each breath in, the funnel’s tube would expand and get wider, with each breath out, it would shrink a bit, yet still be wider than it was prior to the last breath.
One breath after another, my inner energetic funnel slowly turned into a cylinder, a ray of light going from head to toe in the centre line of my body. A ray of light that would expand and shrink, expand a little more and shrink a little less.
Just like the closing doors of an elevator when someone pushes the calling button before they get to shut down and they reopen. With each breath in, I was pushing the calling button of my inner elevator before they shut down, to get them back to wide open, and the time in between each push would be shorter and shorter, keeping my elevator’s doors more open each time, allowing my conscious self to get comfortable with the transition, while getting my divine channel to open, receive and shine.
Just like I gave birth to my daughter 4.5 years ago, I am now birthing my new elevated self. Just like I was terrified of the transition back then, (going from a single spirited place with no life-long responsibility to becoming a mother responsible for raising a happy, kind and balanced tiny person) I am scared of the transition now, going from a spiritually-realised materially-based existence to becoming a materially-incarnated soul living a spiritually-lead life. My life as I knew it to this point is changing and I can barely have a glimpse at what it will look like once the butterfly in my transformative cocoon will spread her wings to stand in her higher truth.
Just like I trusted my midwife, my body and my intuition through pregnancy, labour and the early stages of my daughter’s life to find my way to motherhood, I trust my spirit-guide, my gifts and my resilience to find my way into the work of light.
And just like my midwife gave time to my body to adjust, and my intuition gave time to my self- confidence as a mother to grow, Spirit is giving me the necessary time for my gifts to develop so my resilience can remind my fears that whatever I faced in my life, I survived and I thrived.
